Border Line Amazon

10 minutes!

2008-05-17T10:53:55Z

I leave campus in 10 minutes. I'm waiting for my shuttle to the airport. I am sooooooo happy it's unbelievable.

Also, I read a good quote today:
"The best way to predict the future is to create it."

Take chances, get messy, make mistakes!

2008-05-16T14:24:11Z

Yes, Ms. Frizzle is the coolest. Those words have been a guiding point throughout my life.

It's my last full day on campus and of course I'm getting reflective instead of studying for my final exam.
Thinking about all the people and events that got me here. I'm very fortunate to have had so many opportunities. Yay me.

edit:
Exams are done! I leave campus tomorrow at 7am. I am beyond excited. Today wasn't very eventful. I walked around and took in the town one last time. I can't wait to get back to the city.

My quote of the moment:
Don't be afraid to take a chance, because you might find that going for what you want, gets you exactly where you want to be...

Writer's Block: Three dishes I could live on

2008-05-15T19:37:44Z

What three dishes could you live on for the rest of your life?

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#1: potato in it's various forms
-It's been said more than once by others that ,if I were what I eat, then I'd definitely be a potato.
But really, there are sooo many options nevermind the lack of nutritional content

#2: tuna
-Nearly every day of summer 2007 I had a tuna sandwich. I have a very healthy love of the stuff.

#3: taquenos
-The most delicious cheesy goodness you've ever had. Yeah Vene!

Just wait

2008-05-15T13:45:49Z

So today I formally dropped out of the other camp that had offered me a job - the reading one with crap pay. I called to let them know "in person" and basically they did not take it well. The woman told me about commitments, etc. I told her I understand but it's in no one's best interest for me to take keep the job. I'm sure they will be able to replace me but I still feel really bad about it. At the same time, I have to do what's best for me. And right now, income is what I need.

I just can't believe they tried to guilt me. shame

on a happy note!
Looks as if my non-existent but felt very real streak of unemployment may be over"
The research job, that I am interviewing for on my b-day, called this afternoon to let me know about another opportunity at their hospital. It's a similar position and I would make more money! yeah! The woman said I "just seemed so nice on the phone" and she would "put a good word in for me". I filled out the ridiculously long application online. I really hope I get it. For one thing, it starts at 30,000 (I should be getting more with my degree but whatever) it's a big leap from my current nothing :p 2) it's actually in my field of study. I would really really really! love to have a job where I can actually utilize my friggin expensive ass degree; and 3) it's at the hospital I would like to work at when I finally have my PsyD. I figure that if I can just get my foot in the door with this job I'd be a shoe-in for any therapy/counseling positions that come up as I gain experience. And when I have the MA I'd be a happy camper. Could life be any more swell if I got that job? I think not.

While I was on the application site, I also applied for a few administrative type jobs and a few government positions. I figure it can't hurt to apply for more positions, only ups my chances of a call back, and starting a salaried position ASAP (that's not social work :P) would be pretty darn sweet.
I have an exam for one gov't position (w/Customs!) on the 31st. I downloaded the study guide and it is basically affirmation that I have an education, a 3hr long grammar test - good for me, I'm sure to pass. After passing my name will be placed on a list for them to call me who knows when. At least they don't require a driving license :) ! Like some city which shall remain unnamed.

So things are definitely looking up....well, besides the fact that I have an exam tomorrow that I have not studied for one bit. But whatever, I'm graduating!

Hopefully, one of these opportunities will come along beginning of summer and save me lots of anxiety. One thing I did learn (and will try to follow up on) through this whole process was to stop stressing so much. I put the application in and that's all I can do. Let it go. If they call me for an interview, I'll do it and that's all I can do. But I shouldn't stress so much like I was before. If I am meant to get whichever job opportunity, then I will. If not, something else better will come along.

(It seems as if I am never satisfied? I finally get the one job I wanted and here I am hunting desperately for another. Well, I am very satisfied with the anthro job. Yet, I can't describe how amazing it would be to have a "real job" this summer, as opposed to a "camp job." Though this camp job pays well, it's still a gross underpayment for what's expected of me and all the energy I will have to exert. Sure I like to have fun but I also like to be able to support myself. Anyway, I would love to not have to go through the whole rigamarole of the job hunt again in a few months. Especially with school coming up. Not to mention, then I would actually be able to afford school. )

cross fingers cross fingers my life is finally going somewhere! :D

yayness!!

2008-05-13T18:44:09Z

I GOT THE JOB TEACHING ANTHROPOLOGY ^_^ !!!

thanks to everyone for all the support and crossing those fingers

I feel as if a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now I know I will have a great summer. I'll get to ride my bike tons, work on my presentation skills, hang out with people my age (in a museum!) and teach! I can't wait! OMG I am sooooo happy right now.

annnnnd ...as my longtime friend pointed out, this continues my streak of never having been rejected from anything i've ever applied for. w00t!
(though, it makes me wonder how I will be able to cope with rejection later in life. but i'm not worrying about that right now. i'll pretend i am so awesome that i never have to get rejected :P )

Madea-isms; some good advice

2008-05-11T21:47:59Z

~Some people come into your life for a lifetime, some come for a season. You got to know which is which. You're gonna always mess up when you mix them seasonal people up with lifetime expectations. We got people that got married with people they only supposed to be with for a season, and they wonder why they have so much hell in their life. That was a person that was supposed to come and teach you one thing. You didn't know it so you just fell in love, and now you wonder why don't got no peace anywhere you go.

~I put everybody that come in my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they over there. They unstable. Blows the other way, they over here. Seasons change, they wither and die, they gone. That's alright. Most people in the world are like that. They just there to take from the tree. They there to take and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at em, that's who they are. Some people are like a branch on that tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too cause they'll fool you. They'll get there and make you think they a good friend and real strong, but the minute you step out there on em, they'll break and leave you high and dry. But if you find you two or three people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of the tree, you are blessed. They're the kind of people that ain't goin nowhere. They ain't worried about bein seen, don't nobody have to know that they know you, they ain't got to know what they doin for you. But if them roots wasn't there that tree couldn't live. You understand? When you get you some roots hold on to em. But the rest of it you let it go. Just let folks go.

~Ain't nobody said it was gonna be easy but it'll get easy when you learn how to love yourself. If you tell somebody that "what you doin is hurtin me and I need you to stop" and then they keep doin it, they don't care, move on, let em go. No matter how much it hurts, let em go. And it'll get easier I promise you. Every day it'll get easier and easier and easier. You just gotta make it through.

~You gotta learn how to be by yourself. People have to learn how to be alone. I don't understand people who go "I need somebody. Lord, where is my man, Lord where is my woman?" That is crazy... If you don't know how to be by yourself, what you gonna do with somebody else? Stop prayin about it. Shut up and wait. Go work on you. That's what that time is for, for you to go get yo'self together. You would be surprised at the things people put up with just to hear somebody say they love em. That's crazy. I don't understand it. I can't live in dysfunction, I'm sorry.

end of days

2008-05-08T22:39:17Z

I have my final class in 30 minutes. I have a presentation and I am ridiculously excited to get it all over with. Now, I know the end is here and I really did make it through the crap that has been this school.

I have two papers and two exams due next week. I'm nearly finished one paper and I'm certain I can BS the other because the prof seems to love it when I BS - I get As and loads of commentary. (Yet, when I try I get A- or B. huh? Ah well, less work for me :P) I don't even think my final exams will be that difficult. I have an Abnormal Psych one and a Cognitive Psych one. Of course, I'll have to study for each but it won't be the nightmare I had been predicting at the beginning of the semester. Soooo....yay me! I'm almost a college grad

positivity for a change

2008-05-08T19:48:22Z

Ugh, I'm tired of all the anxious posts about job hunting and waiting around. Que sera, sera. No need for me to stress... so much.

Anyway, I realized that the IRS has deposited my stimulus check and so now I feel slightly more optimistic about the future. I also get paid this week. So now I have officially begun to allocate money to my "carpartment" fund. I feel happy. ^_^ Mostly because I am finally doing something tangible to reach my goal. I'm so happy that I don't have any expenses right now. Usually at the end of term I have so much to mail home but this year, nada. So now I can just save save save.

I looked at the expenses list for senior week and graduation, I'm super happy I decided not to attend. The prices are ridiculous!

I signed up for extra hours at my student job before I leave next week to make that much more money. I figure by the time I return home I'll have 1 month of rent saved. That means I'll be a third of the way to my goal. That's makes me feel so good. Hopefully,my employment plans will be set by the week of the 19th so I can come up with the second third of the money by the end of June.

Supposedly my parents will give me some cash for graduation/b-day. I'm positive it won't be a lot but whatever it is, it will go directly into the fund. I'm also positive that I'll receive it sometime around July. It sucks because I can't let them know that I am saving money for a car or to move out, otherwise they'll never give it to me. (Their reasoning: what's the point if you won't spend it? It's too exhausting too argue with them so I have to make sure I pretend like I am saving for something trivial like an electronic - a new ipod or something.)

I'm still debating on which to go for first, the car or the apartment. Right now I'm leaning towards the car because it would make life that much easier. But for now, I'll just worry about saving the money. When I have it, I can make plans.

popular music is completely ridiculous

2008-05-04T17:04:54Z

I tried to listen to the radio today only to be bombarded by negative and misogynistic messages. Everything was about strippers and hoes and women supporting broke down hoodlums. WTF are these songs so popular? More importantly, how can women listen to them? No beat is that good that you can completely ignore the word bitch being repeated every 5 seconds and choruses that talk about stripping for 20 bucks. What the hell? It's really disgusting. And the only other radio station here is for country music. That has its own set of issues. I can't even find a classical station. Geez!

the Plan

2008-05-02T15:35:33Z

May is finally here!

I am nearly done all of my required assignments. I have to write a paper for Monday in Anthro. And one more paper/presentation for Thursday in Cog Psy - that should be fine bc the pres is only 4 minutes and the paper is 5 pages. So I'll just summarize my paper. I've also got to do a few response papers...then all done til exam week! I can't wait!

I am so ready to be done with this place and get on with my life. I need to start packing to make sure all of my things can fit into my two bags. I can't afford to mail anything this year, so what doesn't fit must stay. I think I'll be okay though. Most of the clothing I won't be taking because it's too big. I have to remember to book my van back while I still have the money. Otherwise I am stuck here.

Anyway...
I've decided to go to La Salle straightaway in the fall. I realized I would be wasting a year if I enrolled non-matriculated elsewhere. So, I'll just go, get it over with and focus on getting in a kick-ass Psy.D program. I'm thinking PCOM, Bryn Mawr, La Salle, Chestnut Hill. Maybe I'll even look outside of the city - BU med, UBC, SFU.. I have lots of options and I should not get bogged down on this one little step in my path.

I also decided to seek on-campus housing. La Salle is in a pretty crappy neighborhood compared to what I am used to but I think in the end living on campus for at least one semester will be good for me.
-I'll be able to focus on my studies; imposssible to do at home with nagging parents and whiny brothers. I don't want to be the default babysitter ever again
-I won't have a curfew. My 'rents seriously lock the screen door at 9pm and I have no way of getting in. 22yr olds do not need curfews.
-I'll be able to get involved in campus life. people, events, etc
-I won't have to be on the BSL at 10pm at night unless I want to be.
-Independence. It's time for me to be on my own.

So, during the summer I'll be working mostly to save up for the car. It was really hard to decide between saving for a car or apartment but I realized the car is more beneficial
-won't have to live near La Salle; can even transfer to their suburban campuses
-can get a city job with benefits
-better job outside the city

(This means I'll be riding my bike lots more than I am used too. (Having the anthro job would be a great motivator! 8 miles RT daily) I feel good about it. I spent so much on the bike but have only ridden it, maybe twice. It needs to be used and I need the exercise. (In a shocking turn of events, I'm finally gaining weight. Not too happy about that but I'm sure it'll melt off in the summer. I'm looking to get down to 120 from wherever I am now) I'll need to get a bike lock and learn work on riding fast so I can go in the street. Also, the riding with one hand (or no hands!) would be beneficial. Yeah, slowly but surely I'll get there. )

I feel kind of sad that I won't be able to spend any money but it's something I can deal with to get what I want. Now I just need to contact all those people who can teach me how to drive. I have one cousin who will and I'm trying to reel in my friend for additional lessons. I'll also need someone to go with me to buy a car as I have no idea how to make sure I'm not getting a lemon. I think once I have a vehicle I'll feel much better about life in the city.

I haven't heard back from the anthro job yet. I sent an email inquiry just to get it over with. So, I should know tomorrow if I have it or not. I'm currently looking into a job at a science museum. This'll be a hard sell. I'm not the best at sciences but I will pretend like I know what I am doing and even study some things if they pay me. I need to call this place back. I accidentally left my old cell phone number - doh! Hopefully, they like me. But hopefully I get the anthro job :P

Writer's Block: Hell Hath No Fury

2008-05-02T14:58:08Z

Who was the last person who really made you mad?

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My mother. Any conversation we have immediately turns into a disagreement because she doesn't seem to understand anything about my life. According to her, I'm lazy, unmotivated, and don't contribute anything to the family. Never mind the fact that I'm in school and work when I am at home. She'd rather me have a McDs job than search for something worthwhile just so I can give her my paycheck. I actually have to lie about how much I make so that she won't take so much of it. Yes, she charges me rent + 1 bill each month. I don't even fucking live in the house! All the more motivation to get my own place.

My sister. Various issues but we are growing apart. It's sad because we had gotten semi-close for the first time. I think part of is that I will now have a degree and she had to stop college after her sophomore year. Though, I really don't think she has any intention of ever going back. I think she's a bit pissed that I'm the one "living the dream" of becoming a shrink. She always says how easy I have it with "no bills, or people to support". She forgets that I've been paying for my own education all this time. She didn't have to pay - parents liked her.

Sis' BF spouting off racist wanna-be scientific examples about why Europeans are the best group on the planet and Africans are inferior. Makes me want to be violent. I don't think I will be having much communication with him. Our conversations always end in an argument about how he is reading propoganda. And I of course am just fighting for the underdog. I think he forgets that I am an African. But of course, when he realizes, he goes, oh there's always the exception. Fuck you you racist prick. Worst part is he makes my sis believe in this BS too. And tells it to my brothers - telling them being mulatto is what makes them smart. Fuck you. When we walk in the street, people don't think there are those mulattoes, they think there are some Black people. I honestly wish he'd get the hell out of our lives.
And the worst part of that is he has no job! He's being supported by her. (Idiotic people and their first loves. I hope she wisens up soon. She deserves so much more than what he can offer.) What kind of grown man let's a woman support him and then can claim any type of masculinity! He doesn't help around the house, doesn't do anything! , just plays video games. Meanwhile, she's working hard at the police academy to support him. It's really not fair. When she was living at home, he chastised her and said she was immature to still be getting supported by parents. As soon as she moves out to her own place, he gives up his place, quits work, does drugs and moves in with her. Then gets arrested and has her foot the bail and lawyer fees. Now he's using that as an excuse to not get a job. BS. If you try you can find a job. But he's too proud to do telemarketing, McDs, cooking, anything service industry. But hey, if you don't have even a HS diploma thats what you get til you can find something more. He is just so disgusting and a sorry excuse for a man.

Wow, I guess I really needed to get all this out. Thanks LJ for the wonderful justified vent moment.

life is beautiful

2008-04-23T14:49:54Z

This week seems to be going surprisingly well so far.
Monday I received my Abnormal Psych exam back. I could have sworn I had failed given that I made up a majority of the answers and in fact did get almost the entire fill-in-the-blank section wrong. Yet, I managed a B and I'm not complaining. I don't even want to know how those questions were weighted, I'm just happy it worked in my favor.

Tuesday I presented my final project in Creative Anthropology. I examined stepping or African American stepdance. The presentation was supposed to be 20-30 minutes. I had initially planned to fill most of the time performing and teaching different step routines that demonstrated the creative aspects I would be talking about. But being sick I really did not feel like it and instead relied on the joys of youtube. I had only about 10 minutes of actual material but the questioning lasted about 25 minutes - they were super interested which surprised the heck out of me. I thought people wouldnt be able to relate and would find it boring but they thought it was fascinating, especially the professor. Yay me. The project is supposed to be in conjunction with a 12 page paper. I have 8 pages after doing the presentation and hope to finish it this weekend.

I also finished typing up my thesis/lit review. My advisor finally got back to me, didn't acknowledge receiving a rough draft so I have no idea how my paper is or if I went in the right direction but I refuse to start over so what I have will have to do. I sent a copy and that's that. Only problem I forsee is I am 6 pages short of the minimum 25 she imposed. Though , if she's the only one reading it, I don't see why she'd force me to right more if I can relay the same info in fewer pages.

Wednesday..today! Met up with Andrew my college counselor and academic advisor from high school. He's the same funny guy. It was nice to see him after 4 years. I was only supposed to stay for 1/2 an hour at the event and then go to class but I waited around to see Greg who was highly influential in getting me into both UWC and my current college. It was deifnitely worth sticking around. I met some other cool people and got job advice. There are a few independent schools in my area that might appreciate IB grads of color. woot! I'm definitely going to explore the opportunity.

Oh I was offered the Urban Literacy job today! I am excited and very happy to have it. Still, I really want the Anthro job so I'm going to accept this but keep my fingers crossed for the other one which I should find out about next week.

missed the deadline

2008-04-21T13:22:09Z

I just found out the deadline to put in the police application was last Friday. I missed it. The test will be given the last week of May. Usually, applications are due only a week before the exam but I guess with the expected high application rate they have to enforce a cut off. Well, at least I saved my money. I won't lie and to myself, I do feel a little disappointed but I want to remain positive. Obviously being in the academy would conflict with attending school so this is most likely for the best. Still, I'm not exactly psyched to be a social worker but I will do it. I need to contact those people and see if I have to retake the test. That'd be kind of shitty but oh well. I know I will pass with flying colours. Though, even if I pass I won't be able to do anything until I have a driving license though which kind of makes applying useless. But I need to apply while the opportunity is still available. I'll do that with my next paycheck. All of the money that I had been saving for the summer is quickly disappearing with these application fees. I'll soon have to start mailing things home too so there's not really a bright outlook on my financial situation. I really hope I get the job teaching anthropology. The pay would be just enough to get me on my feet and I wouldn't have to blow money on transportation because I could ride my bike (and I'd be getting exercise too!)(Somebody pray for me to get this job, please!)

the sickness has risen...can no longer deny what i feel

2008-04-20T03:26:49Z

So instead of going to see Common last night, and instead of going to the Cotillion tonight I made new best friend with the porcelain lad in the bathroom. I don't know what it was that triggered it but the sickness has finally caught up with me. I was sick all last night. I thought it was the food from the dining hall. But tonight, I was talking to my friend (my bff since freshman year), when all of the sudden things became blurry and I really needed to sit down. it felt like my blood pressure had plummeted. i was so faint and dizzy and just ick. he went to get me some water but i only got worse. i was shaking and trembling and he looked really scared. i could barely talk. then i had to go be sick again. he went with me because i pretty much could not walk. but the universal signs of gagging and covering your mouth are pretty clear. and then he held my hair while i did my business and cried. awww. that's how you know you're true friends. you can go without seeing each other for weeks and fall right back into great conversation and awkward situations like it's nothing. he didn't miss a beat helping me. we came back to my room and he even tucked me in. but i'm awake now bc vomiting is a jolt to the system and yeah...now i'm wide awake and not in so much pain anymore. yay for best friends.

Writer's Block: Tax Day

2008-04-16T00:24:18Z

If you're getting one, how are you planning to spend your tax refund?

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I got my refund a while ago. It was actually a bit delayed because I forgot to sign the form. I know silly me. I was so set on signing the W2 forms that I forgot about the 1040. So they sent it back to me and it sat on my desk back in Philly for about 6 weeks until I came home for vacation. Needless to say I was pissed. Why didn't anyone tell me I had mail from the IRS?! Doesn't that seem as if it would be important?!

Anyway, this year I received more money than ever before, thanks to finally having a real job. I'm not sure if I am eligible for the stimulus but I sure hope I am. I'd like to put that $300 to my credit card bill - looking to get rid of that asap.

no graduation

2008-04-14T23:00:30Z

sorry for posting so many times today but I want to keep these issues separate so I can easily refer to them later. Anyway, this is short....

I might not be attending my graduation. I just looked up transportation and there might not be any available for me to get home. The earliest van to the airport from school is right in the middle of the ceremony. I think it'd be kind of stupid to leave in the middle of the ceremony but I don't have any other way of getting home. My family isn't coming and the few people I know with cars are the laziest drivers on the planet. So, yeah, I feel really sad about this because I didn't even have a high school graduation.

bleh

2008-04-14T20:05:55Z

I feel like crap. My stomach is killing me. I feel so nauseous. Ginger usually helps me feel better but today, nope. My room is way too warm and it's making me feel worse. My nose is swollen, my face is kind of swollen too - not a good look. Kind of sad because I looked so good this weekend. I think I am coming down with something. I'm guessing it was the weekend of late nights and greyhound travel.

I missed my follow up interview with the Literacy camp because I was in the Health Centre :( dang. (I'm not sure I want the job anyway because of the sucky pay and bad location. I don't think I would have the motivation to work. But of course I still want them to offer it to me so I have to call to arrange a new interview time. So let's hope the anthro job pulls through (dear god, please let me get the anthro job!)). Anyway, they, meaning the stupid doc at the health centre, had no idea what's up, offered Tylenol (I'm allergic to that) and sent me on my way.

I left my cell phone charger in Boston, dang it. My friend mailed it today I hope it arrives before my battery goes kapoot.

On a random note, I receive The Drops today. Awesome stuff, they smell so good like candy. Not that I am dying to use them but I am kind of excited for when I finally do. Wondering what the hell I am talking about?Read this.

I want this job so much!

2008-04-08T21:03:57Z

Today I was offered interviews for three different camp counseling positions over the summer. Weird that they all contact me on the same day, eh? And with in the same hour!
* One position is an academic enrichment program for underprivileged kids - not too excited about it because the pay is not so hot (1500 for the entire summer, pfft!) but I'd be willing to do it for my resume and the experience.

update: shit! I forgot to inform this one that my phone number has changed. I just sent an email but it's 9:20 and the interview is scheduled for 9:30. Hopefully, the coordinator will check her email! I was hoping this one would be "practice" for the one later today.

*The second is in a museum teaching kids about anthropology - beyond excited for this one and I really want it! Each week has a different theme and you get to use the museum as your classroom!

(I was a camp counselor at the zoo last summer and I loved having the zoo and animals to explain concepts. Instead of just talking about the rainforest we could go visit the zoo's simulated versions. That was both fun and interesting. I would return to this job but the work environment was super shitty and disorganized. They lost my check on multiple occasions and there was little communal spirit between counselors - kind of cliquish (not my style).)

My only question really is how much does the Anthropology Camp pay? The ad says "hourly rate". (I hate when they do that because I don't want to waste my time interviewing, then come to find out it only pays 8 bucks,pffft!) I'm requesting 9/9.50 (I think that's extremely fair) because that's the amount I received last summer and I was able to survive. I don't think I could live with less than that either. Especially because I am hoping to save enough to afford a car. I don't see how people (older than me!) work the McDonald's jobs that were trying to pay 6.50. After taxes what can you afford?

*The final is for kids ages 7-13, pretty much just a regular camp, sounds boring to me; I like themed camps with a clear focus and goals. I think kids get more out of it and I am able to put more into it. No idea how much this one pays either.

The funny thing is I've never been a camp participant. My parents thought camp was a horrible idea, so, my only experience with camp is as a counselor/facilitator/etc. I think what I most enjoy about camps is how dynamic the days are. You'll never have two like days and you have so many personalities around you. I also enjoy the team spirit among the kids, counselors, etc. I think that's not so common in the working world, so it's fun to get at it while I can. You know, before my life of working with traumatized children depresses me.

I have both of the phone interviews tomorrow, so I have to do some research tonight on what makes me a good employee at each. Obviously the answers will be similar but I'd like to have an impeccable interview and I reallllly want the Anthro job. It would be super easy transportation-wise (I could probably even ride my bike saving more mula ^_^) AND it's on a college campus, so when I am not working I'd get to hang with people my age too!

WISH ME LUCK!!

and again...3rd in 2 weeks

2008-04-06T23:10:45Z

man attacked on Subway

woman attacked on El Platform

man dies after SEPTA concourse beating

How much shit needs to happen before SEPTA makes their police/security force visible? Sure community members are "trying" to start a Guardian Angels project but shouldn't the people who get payed to protect us, actually protect us? Obviously the kids have no fears of retribution - a quick punch, a quick stab, a bunch of kicks, no one is going to step in because the city has developed its own culture of fear. This fear culture combined with the egocentric mentality that "it's not my problem" only allows the hooligans to win. They know they have control because people are too concerned with themselves to help anyone else out. This is no way for people to live. These senseless acts of violence need to stop.

Why do we have to be so scared of kids?! People need to friggin stand up for each other. If you're down there and you see a gang of teens going for the old lady go stand near her and tell the thugs to back off. If you see an argument, you don't have to go over and break it up but you could go get security or alert an employee. People need to care about each other again if this problem is ever going to change.

And to think, I'm going to have to catch some of this stuff to get to school next year. One more incentive to get a vehicle.

Miss Philadelphia

2008-04-06T20:06:01Z

so I've basically been procrastinating all day. I had a meal, took a nap, read over Nancy Redd's website, another nap. Anyway, in all this doing nothing I decided that it would be cool to compete in the Miss Philadelphia pageant. The prize is $10,000 and aside from my obvious lack of talent it doesn't seem to require much from a contestant. The official site is not up yet but the next contest will be held March 2009. So, I'd have a year to get a talent (I'm thinking dance or monologue), volunteer in the city, get "known" and I think I could get it. I mean, if all goes according to my plans, wouldn't a student/police officer be the coolest pageant queen ever? Ms. Congeniality anyone? uh yeah! My platform would be one of these: urban literacy; education of young women about their bodies; or something to do with mental health.

The only thing that makes me nervous is I am hardly the "pageant type". Supposedly, the organization is looking for more girls who are so-called atypical. Yet, they didn't choose Ms.Utah - she had so much spunk and personality. Anyway, I don't want to win anything big, I just want to win in my city.

I had two friends in the Miss America pageant this year - one who had been competing "forever" and the other who did it on a whim. Both reported positive experiences with the people, and "corporation" that is Miss America. I doubt/don't really want to get to that level but it's nice to know people had good experiences.

hmm...being bored gives me crazy ideas, but I do think this would be hella cool and super beneficial in terms of networking. I'm all about networking opportunities.

Should I Stay or Should I Go

2008-04-06T16:46:13Z

...to my HS reunion that is. This weekend, all of the New England alum are getting together in Boston. I'd be excited to go if I knew I'd have fun but really I am not sure.

I haven't really made an effort to stay in touch with people from HS and the few I am in contact with are not attending. I don't know anyone in Boston aside from these few people. And I don't want to be a shadow to the friend from my school that I would head down with. Because well...that's just loser and we're not at all close like that for me to be a shadow anyway. He's a bit pretentious and I'm the type to tell him he's being a jackass. So, what's my incentive to spend all that money and exert all that effort to get down there? Well, being in a real city certainly makes the reunion look more attractive, very attractive. Yet, there're only 50 some days before I'll be back in my own city - which I prefer ten times over Boston, even with the SEPTA attacks. I'm certain I could survive, I've gone longer without city life. Heck, I used to live in the middle of the woods - at least I could go hiking there. It's just so tempting. My status as broke should help to deter me but it's doing nada right now. [At WalMart yesterday I was stressing over whether or not to buy a single cup of noodles, that's how broke I am 33 cents seems expensive, lol. I was like can I survive without the noodles? I really need these granola bars.] I need that IRS stimulus check already.

To make matters more complicated, I'd have to arrange a place to stay and if my friends at Harvard aren't up for it then I have no idea where I'd be. I know 2 girls at Wellesley but I really don't feel like dealing with them overnight, you know. Girls can be strange. Guys dont need late night chats and to take 50 yrs to get dressed and what not.

Maybe I should just look at my bank account, ultimately, that will be the deciding factor anyway.
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Just looked: I can afford it. I forgot I had deposited a check via mail to one of my accounts. But then I'd be poor again.

Anyway, there's a bunch of stuff related to my high school on my college campus in the coming weeks, so I should just attend that and save my money..

Bleh... I can't wait to have a job that actually pays decent money.

I was reading online the other day about what to expect in graduate school. Apparently, it's more demanding than college and takes up about the same amount of time as a FT job?! wha?! So I think those first 8 months in the police academy (if I get in) will kill me if I also have to take classes, I think maybe my 1st semester will be PT for school - because I really want the benefits of a city job.

UPDATE:: not going, I should save my money for an end of year senior something fabulous, treat myself to something nice.

some updates on my training regime to get back into military shape.
-goal weight 130lbs - current weight 130-132lbs : thank you stress and bad food. I guess the weight loss is really showing because the women who swipe cards in the dining halls have commented on how thin I am getting. I don't think I look much different, then again, I see me everyday. The "too skinny" comments are a bit unnerving though. I think that's because they're comparing me to the old me of 190lbs. I still wear all the same clothes which I guess also looks a bit weird. The funny thing is that they mostly fit (then again, my friends tell me I have no concept for the word baggy) so I am wondering how tight my clothes were at some point and just how loose they look now.

-2mile run time goal 15 minutes - current time 18minutes: I haven't been running much since I've been back. Its really quite sad but I plan to hit the gym or the pavement sometime this week. I'm certain I can get the time down by May. I just need to get out there.

-44 pushups 3minutes - current 25 pushups in 3minutes: this will come in time...I really need to get back into these though. I always took pride in being able to do pushups, now I feel like a weakling because I am so slow. Also, at the police academy pushups are used as punishment in sets of 10. So I have to get used to doing quick reps of 10. At one point I could do 100 pushups in a few minutes, I'd like to get back there.

-100crunches 2 minutes - current 88crunhces 2 minutes: my favorite activity because it's by far the easiest and it's so quick that it takes no time at all to master. I think I'll reach my goal by this time next week.

and on a lighter note, one of the funniest reviews I've read for a product (the perfect poo deodorizer and stealth stool product) in a long time. the hilarity factor is increased a few points because it was written by a former Miss Virginia, lol.

what ever happened to senioritis?

2008-04-03T03:01:20Z

never got around to finishing those papers, I think I over analyzed them and now they're due tomorrow. They'll be complete in time but all this thinking about them has really made me angry.And my final products pretty much suck. The stench of BS is strong. I blame my prof for assigning work over break - who does that? and actually expects it to get done? I'm also supposed to have a rough draft of my thesis by Friday. And I have a quiz tomorrow on chapters I haven't read for my most difficult class! ... life is crazy with work, I thought I was supposed to be having the senioritis vacation. Okay, I am through whining.

Essay Exam II

Native American cultures were characterized by an intimate relationship with nature where land and the natural environment are primary and sacred to their worldviews. To most groups, such as, the Cree and Chipewayan, man's place in the universe was as apart of this world, rather than apart from this world as is typical to many western worldviews. There is a unity of physical and spiritual universes and a union of natural and supernatural. Origin cycles, oral traditions, and cosmologies connected them with all animate and inanimate beings, past and present. This commonly held view was probably the result of lifestyles dependent on the near environment, weather and living resources (NSB, 1979). While each tribe's unique environment impacted their belief systems in a different way, all demonstrate similarities in the way in which they view their interaction with the natural world.

Their entire method of living is inherently ecological because, to them, everything in the natural world was interrelated and shared the same life. Their lifestyles as well as their religion emphasize this relationship between people and their environments. There is an abundance of evidence to show that in traditional hunting cultures the hunting of game animals takes place within the context of respect for animals and that hunting itself is understood to be a sacred occupation. A large number of rituals and rules concerning the treatment of animals attest to the fact that in many hunting cultures, hunting is as much a religious pursuit as a practical one. Purification in sweat lodges is done both before and after the hunt to ensure ritual purity as well as gaining rules and regulations for the hunt. Central to the idea that hunting is a sacred occupation is the idea that animals, like human beings, are conscious, social, powerful spiritual beings who must be approached in respectful ways. Disrespecting these animals results in an unsuccessful hunt as well as poor relations with the sacred.

A key theme in Native American religion is the understanding of hunting as a reciprocal relationship between the hunter and the hunted. Game animals are not selected to be killed by hunters; instead the animals sacrifice themselves for the hunters. Thinking about a successful hunt as primarily the receiving of a gift puts the emphasis, not on the actions and skill of the hunter, but on the violation of the animal who is killed. To give thanks for such a favor, the hunter in return reciprocates by observing a series of ritual gestures that communicate his respect and gratitude to the animal. The act of hunting itself involves a reciprocal obligation for hunters to provide the conditions in which animals can grow and survive on the earth. They also believe that humans and animals are in communication with each other on a more or less friendly basis under normal conditions. Communication breaks down when humans fail to respect the animals by neglecting to observe hunting etiquette or rituals of reciprocity.

Western religions like Christianity typically regard nature as the backdrop on which humanity carries out its will. It neglects spirits of the world resulting in the demystification of nature, leaving the land devoid of spirit and importance. This removal of personal significance and connection to the land allows for disrespect and exploitation.

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Essay Exam II

European interactions with indigenous North Americans have been governed by the relationship between religion and law. Religious beliefs dictated to Europeans laws of conduct and laws of control. They are at the core of European movement to and conquest of North America. Ingrained with these religious beliefs are the ideological assumptions that underlie most (if not all) of historical European efforts to assimilate, educate, economically develop, and relocate Native American communities. Popular religious and societal beliefs of the colonial period dictated These assumptions include European ethnocentrism, altruism, expected progression, and required control/order. These four ideologies are at the core of European actions in the new world.
Colonizing Europeans (Britons) brought their ideas about a hierarchy of people/races with them from the old world. At the top of this hierarchy were "civilized" European nations, in particular Christian nations. "To be a humanitarian was to believe that Indigenous Peoples were capable of becoming as "civilized" as whites, and the compassionate thing to do was to offer the necessary training." To the progressive thinkers of the colonial era, to allow Native Americans to go on living as they always had was to consign confine them to misery, both in this life and the next."

In this view, non-Christian was equated to uncivilized and savage and these groups were automatically less intelligent and culturally inferior. This "preordained" inferiority of other people gave Europeans justification for taking the land of indigenous peoples. This belief gained a legal stronghold in documents from the first chief justice of the supreme court of the united states reading, "The potentates of the old world ... made ample compensation to the inhabitants of the new, by bestowing on them civilization and Christianity.[1]" It is through this law that ideological assumptions governing European conquest were formed, justified and, largely persist today. The beliefs that native Americans were a homogenous group of wild savages who were intellectually inferior, possessed a maladaptive culture, and legally lost the title to their land (via defeat) , were supported by European ethnocentrism and belief in a hierarchy of cultures and people. Most of their altruistic inclinations to impose order and "progress" can be linked back to these core assumptions grounded in religious tinged law and based on false beliefs.

The education of Native Americans was accomplished early on mostly via altruistic Christians who traveled to reservations but later through residential schools (Oswalt: 57-58). Residential or Government boarding schools provide a clear example of that actions and consequences that arise from core European beliefs based on false assumptions. These schools instructed students through the first eight grades, with compulsory attendance for individuals between 6 and 16 (Oswalt: 57). Believing that they were the inheritors of North America, based on their “civility” and the Native Americans to be intellectually inferior, there was almost a sense of patriarchal duty to educate in European ways and remove the perceived culturally savage tendencies or traits; this process resulting in the “noble savage” who could effectively function as an assistant in European society. In practice, schools focused on the systematic extinction of Native American beliefs, languages, and cultural traditions. Any display of cultural aptitude resulted in punishment.

On a larger scale, the attempted eradication of Native American cultural traditions has resulted in one of the largest sources of generational traumas for Native American families. In this attempt to provide children with “better life outcomes,” they were forcibly removed from their family units – one of the most important focal point in Native American cultures (Oswalt). Many returnees were unable to re-acclimate to village life because they did not learn the subsistence or psychological skills necessary to thrive on the reservation (Oswalt: 57). To some extent, education via removal and neglect of cultural norms is still common today. However, many reservations now house their own schools, though, often times they suffer from lack of funding and resources.

To a large extent many of the assumptions that this ideology of help was based on are still popular today; European ethnocentrism, belief that the Native American cultures are maladaptive, and “lost the war”, are all views that pervade the mindset and teachings of the dominant society and contribute to persistent ethnostress related to overcoming historical traumas such as residential schools. Some positive actions to counteract the present effects of past traumas include investing resources in Native American schools, educating the public about Native Americans as a whole and as individual (local) groups who are still around.

who knew it was possible to write anything that bad? and it's for an exam too. ah well. if i have time tomorrow after stressing over my exam I'll fix up the first one. the second one is staying as is because i really can't afford to care anymore.

this gals got it all figured out!

2008-04-01T13:13:56Z

I'm going to LaSalle!!!
This was my #1 program I am so friggin relieved to know what I will be doing next year. Thank you to the powers that be. I seriously cried at the post office when I opened the letter.

I saw a large envelope and was like, dear g-d please don't let them have sent me another info packet. I opened it and:
"we are pleased to notify you that you have been granted acceptance into the Clinical-counseling Psychology Program"

^_^ happiness all over the place!

Now my essays and thesis don't seem so bad..it's all for something.
OMG I want to kiss someone

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this continues my streak of never having been rejected from anything that I've ever applied for w00t!
let's hope this continues into the job realm too bc I could really use a salaried position

The joys of PHL

2008-03-31T22:16:24Z

So, I think it's been established in my blogging that Philadelphia is a cheap-o city. But shouldn't we put our best face forward to guests? It seems only intuitive if you want visitors to return, right? Philly fails again. I'm sitting at the airport and the Wi-fi is not free. What?! Okay, I know I come from the middle of nowhere but I thought it was standard for airports to have free internet access? On the upside, students with proof of ID can get a code to access the net for free. But of course, because this is Philly, the system has to be fucked up in some way. You have to get the code from the info desk located before security - in only one terminal (out of like 5!) - when you are not even thinking about getting online. So, basically you have to know this before deciding to get online. How fair is that? Lucky me, I ran into a pilot who knew about this whack policy as I was asking the clueless SW gate check in person (who was trying to tell me there's no wireless access at the airport...mmm ok.) So Mr.Pilot already had a code and agreed to "share" it with me :D Yay! I even hugged him because I am crazy. Only problem, we didn't/don't know if the code is good for two people to use at once. So, if he can't get on I feel kind of bad. But he said it was easier for him to get through security than for me to get through.

In other insignificant news....the airport feels like HELL!! It is so friggin hot here, it's disgusting. I keep moving trying to find a better spot but they all feel about 100 degrees. It would be better if I could find a spot near an outlet. My flight is boarding. I'm off.

update:
BACK AT SCHOOL: 1 month 3 weeks til grad
2 essays , 1 thesis draft to finish by friday

Just checked online, my phone arrived at home at 1 pm....just as I was boarding my plane. great. just great. Now I have to wait until my family gets off their bums to ship it to me. then another week for USPS to get it here + 2 days for school to sort the mail..grrrr!!! I knew I should have just sent it here...but then they would give me the wrong area code.grrr

would people even notice?

2008-03-29T00:12:47Z

I was just reminded of the Middlebury student who disappeared in February. Though I did not know him a lot of my friends were close to him so the issue hits rather close to home. He was last seen leaving a party Feb 5th and after that nada.

Shortly after we heard about this guy, a friend of mine joked that if he died in his room no-one would notice for weeks because he's a hermit anyway. That thought bothers me. It made me think...if I died, would people even notice? Maybe after I miss a few weeks of classes people might get suspicious but I have no other regular routine where people would notice that I am missing. I don't eat at the same dining hall each night, I don't attend weekly meetings for any clubs, I barely work my student job...it's 3 days a week for a total of 6hrs... basically, there's nothing set in my life for people to notice me..or not notice me. So what happens when the loner goes missing?

At first I thought I was hyping myself up (and I probably am), but then I thought about the time some guys, very obviously high, followed me for about 3 miles while I was running one afternoon. And I was reminded of the man who randomly flashed me on another run. And the people in the pickup who yelled racial slurs out to me. And the girl who was attacked while taking a hike. And to top it all off, campus hasn't been so safe this year with multiple attacks on females. And everyone keeps bringing up the girl who was murdered in the area a few years ago. Campus-Town relations are also not that good. Being a minority, it's more than obvious that I am not from the town making me an even greater target for residents who feel like venting about the schools drain on/disrespect for the local community. There's been more than one case where locals have stopped me at the WalMart to complain.

So basically I am not feeling very safe anymore. The weather is becoming so nice and I want to go out and enjoy it. I just hate the idea of being confined to groups of 3 or more if I just want to take a quick walk or run. Not to mention, people at my school prefer the treadmill to the pavement.

Does this post even make any sense?

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rather than making another post..that post reminded me of this how memorable am i?
Have you ever met someone for the first time and they say, 'yeah, i've seen you around' but you've never seen them? It happens to me a lot. Sure it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm one of a handful of minority students but I thought people generally assumed we all look the same. And people are always confusing the other people when they talk to me. So, why is it that I stand out? I'm referring to the times when my hair is normal of course :P Sticking out so much makes me not even care about looking or even acting 'normal' anymore. I mean if people are going to notice me, no matter how plain and boring I try to be then I might as well look the way I want. It's just so hard when I am one of an even smaller handful of people not belonging to the prep crowd or the strung out crowd. Man, I can't wait to live in a city full time. I haven't felt out of place for one minute this week, not even with my crazy orangey red hair.

And clearly this contradicts what I said up there, but not necessarily, people notice me when I am around but they don't necessarily expect me to be there, get me? My mind is too tired for logical thinking probably...I'll connect this all later

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OK now back to watching the big game with "numero uno" - ^_^

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I run this race tomorrow! Wish me Luck :) It's my very first 5k. I am excited!