I have my final class in 30 minutes. I have a presentation and I am ridiculously excited to get it all over with. Now, I know the end is here and I really did make it through the crap that has been this school.

I have two papers and two exams due next week. I'm nearly finished one paper and I'm certain I can BS the other because the prof seems to love it when I BS - I get As and loads of commentary. (Yet, when I try I get A- or B. huh? Ah well, less work for me :P) I don't even think my final exams will be that difficult. I have an Abnormal Psych one and a Cognitive Psych one. Of course, I'll have to study for each but it won't be the nightmare I had been predicting at the beginning of the semester. Soooo....yay me! I'm almost a college grad

Ugh, I'm tired of all the anxious posts about job hunting and waiting around. Que sera, sera. No need for me to stress... so much.

Anyway, I realized that the IRS has deposited my stimulus check and so now I feel slightly more optimistic about the future. I also get paid this week. So now I have officially begun to allocate money to my "carpartment" fund. I feel happy. ^_^ Mostly because I am finally doing something tangible to reach my goal. I'm so happy that I don't have any expenses right now. Usually at the end of term I have so much to mail home but this year, nada. So now I can just save save save.

I looked at the expenses list for senior week and graduation, I'm super happy I decided not to attend. The prices are ridiculous!

I signed up for extra hours at my student job before I leave next week to make that much more money. I figure by the time I return home I'll have 1 month of rent saved. That means I'll be a third of the way to my goal. That's makes me feel so good. Hopefully,my employment plans will be set by the week of the 19th so I can come up with the second third of the money by the end of June.

Supposedly my parents will give me some cash for graduation/b-day. I'm positive it won't be a lot but whatever it is, it will go directly into the fund. I'm also positive that I'll receive it sometime around July. It sucks because I can't let them know that I am saving money for a car or to move out, otherwise they'll never give it to me. (Their reasoning: what's the point if you won't spend it? It's too exhausting too argue with them so I have to make sure I pretend like I am saving for something trivial like an electronic - a new ipod or something.)

I'm still debating on which to go for first, the car or the apartment. Right now I'm leaning towards the car because it would make life that much easier. But for now, I'll just worry about saving the money. When I have it, I can make plans.

nope not celebrating. .. the holiday really has nothing to do with me.  Cinco de Mayo celebrates a victory by the Mexican Army over the French Army in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.  See nothing. Not to mention I don't have any time...must write essays and a presentation. But this question totally fits with a post I had been intending to write.

====
It's Cinco de Mayo and a huge debate has been raging on my campus over shirts sold that read Border Control on the front and Prohibido on the back. There was also an image of "Mexicans" running. The issue brought up was that these shirts were highly offensive, not only to any Mexican students on campus, but any other internationals, making them feel unwelcome in an extremely homogeneous environment. The debate sprung into a large look at how campus drinking culture revolves around "ethnic holidays" and how people say they are celebrating diversity but really, just looking for an excuse to drink even more than usual. The entire thing was debated on the campus listserv . Eventually, last Friday, a rally was held to support multiculturalism beyond a few trivial holidays.

-----

The debate is long over ...a whole weekend has passed. The campus has returned to a bunch of stressed out kids arguing over who has more work to complete. Still, I decided to discuss it here because of the very familiar nature of the conversation.
-------

The comment that incited all the debate came from a Hispanic student saying that he felt deeply offended by this gross display of cultural insensitivity. 

A few reply comments were posted in support. They delved into the issues of white privilege , our homogeneous campus, and group separation.

In my opinion, they were all very accurate descriptions of what it's like to be a minority student on this campus.
-------

The sum of replies from the wider campus was mostly defensive of the shirts. It's kind of shocking.
* this could be offensive, but we decided to go with it anyway*
This argument was based on the use of St.Patrick's day shirts and the crazy drinking culture that goes along with that. Problem is, it forgets that a huge portion of the campus is Irish! How many Mexicans, or other Hispanics are on campus. I can count on both hands.

*Thank you for voicing your concerns but we still don’t care*
These posts basically said, we understand your argument but Google-ing "Mexico and Security" produced the same image found on the shirt. Therefore, it must be okay and anyone taking offense is clearly too sensitive.

*this is an old issue. we don't have to worry about immigrants at this school anyway. we like it, fuck you*
In a few generations this won't be seen as offensive anymore. Just because it's a hot button issue now doesn't mean it will be then. Sorry it offends you but guys need to be more progressive and accepting. We know we're not racist and you're all making a big fuss out of nothing.
----------

The forums ended with a call for "real multiculturalism" at this school and the aforementioned rally to promote the support of that.  Still, many of the people that attended the rally could also be found getting wasted at Cinco de Mayo parties this weekend. I know part of it is college drinking culture... but still... I feel the point that students were trying to raise has largely gone unnoticed. Until the next "cultural event" that is.

--------------
I wasn't even aware of the shirts existence until the day of the rally.  Yes, I do think it was offensive. I'm not sure if the response, a rally was overreacting. I really don't think so. I think individuals finally reached a breaking point and couldn't tolerate the ignorance any more. Despite nothing coming of this...as is usual when  a discussion about racism on campus is broached, it did garner some discussion on campus. Maybe a few people got a new perspective...hopefully.  

I tried to listen to the radio today only to be bombarded by negative and misogynistic messages.  Everything was about strippers and hoes and women supporting broke down hoodlums. WTF are these songs so popular? More importantly, how can women listen to them? No beat is that good that you can completely ignore the word bitch being repeated every 5 seconds and choruses that talk about stripping for 20 bucks. What the hell? It's really disgusting. And the only other radio station here is for country music. That has its own set of issues. I can't even find a classical station. Geez!

I calculated the rent cost of living at school for the semester. It's 750/month. Thats pretty steep considering with the salary I hope to make I'll only be able to afford a 650/month apt. I filed FAFSA and other FinAid forms last week so hopefully I will know how much they are giving me relatively soon and how much I will have to pray the banks loan me. However, I doubt they will be giving me so much that I don't have to pay anything. That's dream land.  The good thing is,  this time around my loans will be subsidized. I have 5,000 in unsubsidized loans right now and I can just feel the 8% interest piling up. I think I'll start paying the interest on them once I get stable with school and work.

Anyway, I've been looking at places on craigs and it seems that I'll have more than a few renting options when I'm ready.  The question is, do I want to sacrifice an extra 100 a month to get involved with campus life. Would I be as involved if I commuted? I hope I would be but really I doubt it. But since I want to be maybe I will. The 750 is really eating at me. And from the people I've talked to it seems 1st yr grad students are likely to be put with a roommate. 750 to have to live with someone else? Thats kind of ridiculous when I could pay the same for a really nice 1br.  So the debate now is on or off campus. If I live on campus I'll be starving and not have extra money for anything.  If I want to live off campus then my best option is to lease a place during the summer when apts lose all of their student renters. Renting in the fall is like asking for a bad deal. Though realistically, I won't be ready to rent until August....*sigh* 2000 is a lot to earn. I think I will get a PT job to go with whichever FT job  I have. Maybe I can be a telemarketer during the night.  Though I only lasted one day the last time I tried to be a telemarketer - the people there are always so icky. Maybe Target will hire me. I think I'd make an awesome stock person. I doubt I could tolerate waitressing especially if my other job was FT but maybe ....and there's always Radioshack.


Hmmm...so I could have a really busy summer working two jobs and know I'll have what I want in the fall or I could ease up, be content with living on campus (even if it means losing an extra 100 a  month), and having a moderately chill summer. Nah, I think I'll work hard. Last sumer my days off were so boring, at least with a 2nd job I could fill in all that down time bu getting paid.  Am I being to pessimistic on life and idealistic about the job, car, and apt. markets? Right now, I don't care. I need goals. I need something to feel like I won't be stuck standing still forever.

May is finally here!


Anyway...
I've decided to go to La Salle straightaway in the fall. I realized I would be wasting a year if I enrolled non-matriculated elsewhere. So, I'll just go, get it over with and focus on getting in a kick-ass Psy.D program. I'm thinking PCOM, Bryn Mawr, La Salle, Chestnut Hill. Maybe I'll even look outside of the city - BU med, UBC, SFU.. I have lots of options and I should not get bogged down on this one little step in my path.

I also decided to seek on-campus housing. La Salle is in a pretty crappy neighborhood compared to what I am used to but I think in the end living on campus for at least one semester will be good for me.
-I'll be able to focus on my studies; imposssible to do at home with nagging parents and whiny brothers. I don't want to be the default babysitter ever again
-I won't have a curfew. My 'rents seriously lock the screen door at 9pm and I have no way of getting in. 22yr olds  do not need curfews.
-I'll be able to get involved in campus life. people, events, etc
-I won't have to be on the BSL at 10pm at night unless I want to be.
-Independence. It's time for me to be on my own.

So, during the summer I'll be working mostly to save up for the car. It was really hard to decide between saving for a car or apartment but I realized the car is more beneficial
-won't have to live near La Salle; can even transfer to their suburban campuses
-can get a city job with benefits
-better job outside the city

My mother. Any conversation we have immediately turns into a disagreement because she doesn't seem to understand anything about my life.  According to her, I'm lazy, unmotivated, and don't contribute anything to the family. Never mind the fact that I'm in school and work when I am at home. She'd rather me have a McDs job than search for something worthwhile just so I can give her my paycheck. I actually have to lie about how much I make so that she won't take so much of it. Yes, she charges me rent + 1 bill each month. I don't even  fucking live in the house! All the more motivation to get my own place.

My sister. Various issues but we are growing apart. It's sad because we had gotten semi-close for the first time. I think part of is that I will now have a degree and she had to stop college after her sophomore year. Though, I really don't think she has any intention of ever going back. I think she's a bit pissed that I'm the one "living the dream" of becoming a shrink. She always says how easy  I have it with "no bills, or people to support". She forgets that I've been paying for my own education all this time. She didn't have to pay - parents liked her.

Sis' BF spouting off racist wanna-be scientific examples about why Europeans are the best group on the planet and Africans are inferior. Makes me want to be violent. I don't think I will be having much communication with him. Our conversations always end in an argument about how he is reading propoganda. And I of course am just fighting for the underdog. I think he forgets that I am an African. But of course, when he realizes, he goes, oh there's always the exception. Fuck you you racist prick. Worst part is he makes my sis believe in this BS too. And tells it to my brothers - telling them being mulatto is what makes them smart. Fuck you. When we walk in the street, people don't think there are those mulattoes, they think there are some Black people. I honestly wish he'd get the hell out of our lives.
And the worst part of that is he has no job! He's being supported by her. (Idiotic people and their first loves. I hope she wisens up soon. She deserves so much more than what he can offer.) What kind of grown man let's a woman support him and then can claim any type of masculinity! He doesn't help around the house, doesn't do anything! , just plays video games. Meanwhile, she's working hard at the police academy to support him. It's really not fair. When she was living at home, he chastised her and said she was immature to still be getting supported by parents. As soon as she moves out to her own place, he gives up his place, quits work, does drugs and moves in with her. Then gets arrested and has her foot the bail and lawyer fees. Now he's using that as an excuse to not get a job. BS. If you try you can find a job. But he's too proud to do telemarketing, McDs, cooking, anything service industry. But hey, if you don't have even a HS diploma thats what you get til you can find something more. He is just so disgusting and a sorry excuse for a man.

Wow, I guess I really needed to get all this out. Thanks LJ for the wonderful justified vent moment.

I just found out the deadline to put in the police application was last Friday. I missed it. The test will be given the last week of May. Usually, applications are due only a week before the exam but I guess with the expected high application rate they have to enforce a cut off. Well, at least I saved my money. I won't lie and to myself, I do feel a little disappointed but I want to remain positive. Obviously being in the academy would conflict with attending school so this is most likely for the best. Still, I'm not exactly psyched to be a social worker but I will do it. I need to contact those people and see if I have to retake the test. That'd be kind of shitty but oh well. I know I will pass with flying colours. Though, even if I pass I won't be able to do anything until I have a driving license though which kind of makes applying useless. But I need to apply while the opportunity is still available. I'll do that with my next paycheck. All of the money that I had been saving for the summer is quickly disappearing with these application fees. I'll soon have to start mailing things home too so there's not really a bright outlook on my financial situation. I really hope I get the job teaching anthropology. The pay would be just enough to get me on my feet and I wouldn't have to blow money on transportation because I could ride my bike (and I'd be getting exercise too!)(Somebody pray for me to get this job, please!)